Sunday, December 28, 2008

Isabella Juliet's Baby Blessing

Today, Jacob gave our little Isabella Juliet Taylor a blessing and put her name on record with the church. It was such a beautiful blessing, and I think many people were moved by it. I know that I definitely was. Among other things, Jacob asked Heavenly Father to bless Isabella with great joy and happiness throughout her life. He blessed her to be healthy and to have a desire to have a relationship with her Heavenly Father. He asked that she should have the joy of the experiences of being a wife and a mother in this life. He asked that she always feel the love and support of her family, even throughout life's trials. He also asked that she be able to find inner peace and happiness in her physical differences. Of course, I am not doing it any justice, because his words flowed much more smoothly and from his heart, while I am only trying to write from my memory.
After the blessing, we had family over for an informal brunch at our house. Jake's and my parents were able to attend, along with Jake's brother Ryan and his family, and Jake's sister Alison and her family. We love having them over, and it was such a fun day.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas!

Christmas morning, I was like a little kid myself. I have been anxiously awaiting this day to see my kids open their presents. That's not to say that we woke up at the crack of dawn like some do. We didn't -- that's just not my thing. We took our sweet time getting around. Gabe got to take a shower with Daddy, which is pretty much his favorite thing to do these days, and then we got all clad in our robes and headed downstairs to see if Santa came.
And, oh, did he! I know that the kids are still a little young to appreciate the complexity of this gift receiving experience and it was probably not the most prudent thing to do fiscally-speaking, BUT I went overboard anyway. I probably bought way too many toys, thinking all the while, 'but what if this toy is the one that makes them gloriously happy?' or 'what if this toy teaches them some invaluable skill?' -- how could I pass it up? Gabe and Ari both got the hang of the gift unwrapping idea (grasping the concept that something fun lay under the paper), and eagerly anticipated each wrapped gift. The kids started off in a daze-like state; just totally enchanted with the whole production. Then they began to really get into the rhythm of unwrap, play, repeat. As the gifts kept coming, they both started to get a little overwhelmed and fussy. It didn't help things that we postponed breakfast until after all the gifts were unwrapped (note to self for next year: food before fun). Gabe's favorite presents are his matchbox cars, remote control car, lacing beads, tumbling mat, and alphabet DVD. Ari's favorite presents are her keyboard, remote control, learning tool bench, and musical book. And that is just scraping the surface!
I made creme brulee French toast for breakfast, and then we spent the rest of the day setting up and playing with toys as we lounged around the house enjoying a few hours of post-holiday-hurry solace.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Eve

Okay, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day each get their own post, because this was my first Christmas at our own home with our children, and I was bound and determined to make it special, or at least memorable. Initially, I admit that I had reserved this holiday for just our little family (meaning, I didn't invite anyone), because I didn't want to even risk that anything should, shall I say, take away from the Christmas spirit. As the event approached rapidly, I felt inspired to invite my family, even though they don't normally celebrate Christmas. So, with two hours to spare before dinner, I made the calls. Everyone made it, and it actually turned out to be really fun. And by "actually," I mean, I'm happy that it did. I made a ton of food, so even with all the unplanned guests, we'll still be eating leftovers for days. The menu consisted of a Christmas turkey, garlic leek bread pudding, twice baked potatoes, green beans with shallots, crescent rolls, and pazookie for dessert.
After everyone left, Jake and I exchanged our gifts into the wee hours. We planned to do our exchange on Christmas Eve so as to not take away from the kids' time in the morning. Jake spoiled me as always, with gift cards to my favorite stores, a pressure cooker and pressure cooker cookbook (I asked for this), a storage ottoman to hide baby toys, and some silk, um... pajamas. Jake got a pull-up bar to go with our P90X workout series (which our nanny, Brooke, downloaded for us!), a Breadman breadmaker (he asked for this), and a breadmaker recipe book. We can't wait to start working out and cooking -- hey, they go hand-in-hand.

Hanukkah & a Haircut

This past Sunday, my family went to my parents' house to celebrate Hanukkah. (For those who don't know, I was raised Jewish and have only recently converted to become a Latter Day Saint.) The kids got spoiled with attention and presents galore. My mom is widely known throughout the world for her gift giving prowess and generosity. This occasion was definitely not an exception. Gift highlights included a tricycle and fire truck for Gabe, a ball pit for Ari (the hugest hit ever!), a Bumbo seat for Isabella, and a Jumpolene for all three. There were more clothes than you can even imagine. Marci and Leah also got some adorable presents for the kids and for moi. So exciting! As usual, too, dinner was super. And Ariana actually ate, which is a cause for celebration in and of itself.

My mom insisted on giving Gabe his first haircut, and I conceded because it was just a matter of time anyway, right? Why delay the inevitable when he was rapidly growing a mullet? At least, that's what I'm telling myself now as I mourn the loss of his surfer boy curls. He definitely looks more like a big boy now. And he's no less cute -- that's for sure.

Dancing with Daddy

One of my fondest childhood memories was of nights when my family would all dance together in the family room. This is one to pass on down.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Leg Braces and Grieving

I can’t say why exactly, but certain moments in life send me back to that day I found out that Ariana had brain damage. And I go back to that place, heartbroken and scared and vulnerable -- as if I have never overcome that state; as though I had never grieved at all.

Now is one of those sad times. Yesterday, I took Ariana down to St. Joes Children’s Rehabilitative Services (CRS) for her Orthopedic appointment. Ari gets scheduled for many of these types of appointments, but until now, they have all been informational at most. I had no reason to believe that yesterday’s appointment would be any different; that it would be any more than a routine check. But it wasn’t.

When the doctor entered the room, he only needed a minute to examine Ari’s feet and legs to ascertain that Ariana would need leg braces (AFOs). He said that Ariana’s legs were getting very tight and her feet were starting to point. Apparently, the difference between her last appointment, six months ago, and now is vast. The AFO’s are designed to prevent further tightening and shortening of her ligaments. He said that they are needed if we want to prevent surgery down the road. Ari is to wear these leg braces 20 to 23 hours every day, indefinitely. The doctor also recommended that I consider starting Ariana back on Baclofen, a medication designed to reduce her tightness to help avoid hip displacement, curvature of the spine, etc. He told me this so matter-of-factly that I didn’t think to digest what he was saying. I didn’t ask him any of my questions. Ariana waved and smiled enthusiastically at the doctor like he had just given her great news. I just scheduled our casting appointment for January 5th and went home feeling like I had lost yet another battle.

On the 90 minute drive home, the news finally began to sink in. And sink it did -- like a ton of bricks. I felt like I had just failed Ariana in some crucial way. I began to think about Ari’s future with leg braces. Would these braces would be the first things that people would see when they looked at my baby girl in dresses? Would Ari be able to wear any of her pretty shoes anymore? Will the AFOs would be cumbersome to put on and take off? Will Ariana experience discomfort, even pain, with the AFOs pulling her very tight feet in a constant stretch? Will other children focus on the apparatus instead of her friendly face and beautiful smile? Would she still be able to sit and roll and learn to crawl? The list of concerns and worries went on and on. I just wanted to rewind the clock. I wanted to go back so I could do her foot stretches more diligently, and keep her on Phenobarbitol so she would never have had her latest seizure. I know if only I could have known… if I could go back, we could have avoided these braces altogether. It struck me that this is the first time that Ari would have something about her that would alert even total strangers to her disability, and I yearned to protect her.

I let the tears fall last night when I was telling Jake about all this. It wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last. Like he always is in these moments, he was so supportive and tender, and he knew just how to talk to me. Recently, I have come to the realization that I haven't really allowed myself to fully grieve for what Ariana is going through -- for her or for me as her mom. There is and has always been such a pressing need for me to be strong for Ari and for the rest of my family that I haven't gotten to just be sad. Every morning, I put on my brave face and root and cheer for her every accomplishment. Meanwhile, the days go by, and I just end up storing the sadness in a place where I can deal with later. The only problem is, later never comes. When I hear of other people's life tragedies with their children is when my feelings tend to emerge. I have always found it easier to mourn and grieve for the losses of others than for myself. I feel that in vicariously living through their experiences, I can likewise experience the sorrow from a safe vantage point. Allowing myself to actually feel and live my own sadness and grief? That's just too debilitating and overwhelming. To open that door right now might bring down the house. I just don't go there. As unhealthy as it sounds, the best that I can do for now, in an effort to keep the floodgates shut, is to deal with these things just the teeniest bit at a time (and keep reading my Chicken Soup for the Soul).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Christmas Cookies

Since 'tis the season for giving and for goodies (amongst other good things), we thought that we could make no better holiday tradition than baking and delivering Christmas cookies to our friends and neighbors. Jake and I spent last weekend baking 30 dozen cookies. Our efforts paid off, and we felt so happy with the results. It was also a great team-building experience for Jake and I. Our treat sacks consisted of decorated sugar cookies, ginger cookies, and a couple bars that didn't set up too well and ended up pretty gooey. We made deliveries on Monday night to a bunch of houses nearby. We wish we could have made more deliveries, but didn't get too far out of the neighborhood, because the kids weren't enjoying the ride as much as we were.

Ginger Snap 'Em Ups
(courtesy of Kristen Hon)

2/3 cup veg oil
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup molasses
2 cups flour
2 tsp. ginger
2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinammon
1/4 cup sugar for dipping
1. Mix oil, sugar then add egg. Beat well, stir in molasses.
2. Put dry ingredients together and sift; add to wet ingredients.
3. Make into small ball & dip into sugar. Best when chilled for 1-2hrs. Bake 6-8 minutes at 350 degrees. (We doubled this quadrupled the recipe)

Sugars

1 1/2 cups butter, softened
2 cups white sugar
4 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
5 cups all-purpose white flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
zest of 1/2 lemon
2 Tbs. heavy cream

1. In a large bowl, cream together butter, and sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs, lemon zest, cream, and vanilla. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt. Make dough into discs and cover completely with plastic wrap. Chill dough for at least one hour (or overnight).
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Roll out dough on parchment paper lined baking sheets about 1/4 in. thick. Cut into shapes with cookie cutter. Remove excess. Bake 6 to 8 minutes in preheated oven. Cool completely before icing. (we quadrupled this recipe).

Monday, December 15, 2008

Lights and More Lights

Over the last several weeks, our children have grown understandably obsessed with Christmas lights. Gabe, especially, can think of nothing better to do once the sun goes down than look at, point to, and name the colors of Christmas lights wherever they can be found. And like any parents who want to foster the magical feelings in their children during the holiday season, we've been indulging them. So far, in addition to our nightly viewings from the driveway and Ariana's bedroom window, we have visited the Fountain Hills 'Stroll in the Glow', the Mesa Temple lights (with the Edwards fam), and Zoolights (with the Buggy-Schultz fam). Each experience has been fun, not only for the kids, but for us too. Nothing beats an evening walking around in the crisp, perfect weather, surrounded by beautiful colored lights. Oh, and three happy, whine-free kids? That doesn't hurt one bit either.
At Fountain Hills 'Stroll in the Glow', they blocked off the Avenue of the Fountains and lit up the whole street with lights. All the retail shops were opened and many gave away free hot chocolate and cookies. It was such a charming old town feeling. Gabe and Ari got to pet the goats and sheep in the manger and Gabe even got to get up close and personal with a real fire truck. The lights at the Mesa Temple were, by far, the best. There were just so many lights -- everything was lit up. Jake was so overcome with the beauty of it all that he wouldn't stop taking pictures the whole time. Thanks Chrissy, Mike, and Lana for coming with us!
Zoolights is definitely a holiday tradition with Jake and I. We definitely aren't the only ones who feel this way, judging by the crowds. It was a beautiful night to get out, and we're always looking for an excuse to get together with Erin, Ryan, and Ella. Those lights get more amazing every year.